Having sex for the first time or with a new boyfriend is a tough decision to make. You don’t jump into bed with someone just because you feel like doing it. Having sex exposes you to risks, both physical and emotional. And like all the other important life decisions you make, deciding to have sex with someone has both pleasant and unpleasant consequences.
Carefully take everything into consideration before you hit the sack with him, because it can change everything. Ask yourself these questions and if your answers are all yeses, then you’re ready to take your relationship to another level.
1. Are You Doing It Because You Really Want To?
You do it because you want to, not out of peer pressure and not because your partner is so keen to do it. You are ready if it’s your decision and it should not be influenced by anyone else.
Do not have sex because all of your friends are doing it and because you constantly hear them saying “Oh my! You’re a virgin?” Having sex, especially at a young age, does not make you cool or mature or a grown up.
It’s you who will face the consequences; it’s only the right thing to not let anyone dictate or influence your decisions.
Do not have sex because your partner is pressuring you to do it with him. If you hear him say “If you really love me, do it with me,” or “I promise I’ll respect you in the morning,” it’s most likely he is not the right person to have sex with. If he is forcing you to have sex with him, then he neither respects you, nor does he genuinely care about your feelings.
If you think that having sex will make him stick to you or will make him fall for you, you are wrong, because sex does not guarantee a “forever.”
2. Do You Truly Like The Person?
Don’t do something you are most likely to regret afterwards. If you are not into casual encounters, having sex with just some guy is not the right thing for you. Surely, you don’t want to get those “icky” feelings after.
How do you know you like him? Ask yourself if you are comfortable and happy being around him, if you don’t mind introducing him to your friends and family, and if you can imagine yourself having a long-term relationship with him first before jumping into bed with him.
3. Are You Well-Aware Of The Risks Of Having Sex?
You should know that having sex is not just about fun and pleasure. It entails both physical and emotional risks.
First, you could get pregnant or catch a sexually-transmitted disease (STD). Raising a child is no joke and doing it for the first time does not guarantee you won’t get pregnant. If you have no plans of becoming a parent anytime soon, then practice safe sex.
There are a lot of options available for contraception, so talk to your partner about what method works for both of you. Another thing, using condoms is not only for contraception, it is also the best way to protect you from diseases. Thus, it should be a must at all times.
Sex can make you emotionally vulnerable. Whether you do it just for fun or for satisfying your sexual needs, it is not impossible to develop unexpected feelings for the person. When you have sex, your brain releases oxytocin or the “love hormone” that strengthens the bonds between two mammals. You could fall for the guy or develop affectionate feelings beyond your control.
If you do, are you ready to handle this kind of emotion? Are you ready to face the time when you have to let them go?
4. Are You Ready For Criticisms And Rejections?
People have different takes on sex influenced by their cultures and religions.
If your parents and the people close to you are strongly against sex out of marriage and insist that you should remain a virgin, ask yourself first if you are ready and willing to face negative reactions once they found out.
If you are unsure about having sex and unsure if you are ready to take the risk, don’t rush in making the decision. Keeping it a secret won’t make you feel good about sex and yourself.
5. Do You know Each Other Well Enough?
How well do you know your partner? If you don’t know him well enough, then how can you trust him with something too personal and intimate?
Certainly, you don’t want to share a sexual experience with someone you barely know and someone who knows so little about you.
Mutual trust is one important factor to make sex a good experience. It would mean one less thing to worry about if you know your partner is a good person and won’t do something to intentionally hurt, embarrass or humiliate you in the end.
One way to know if you can trust your partner is by observing how he talks about sex in general. Is he into slut-shaming? Does he make fun of hacked naked pictures? Does he talk ill about his past relationships? His behavior towards these things tells a lot of how he will act once you’ve slept with him.
6. Are You Both On The Same Page?
You need to be clear about this. Again, people have different takes on sex. You do it because you like, or more than like the guy, while the guy wants to do it just for fun and satisfaction.
If this is the case, save yourself from the pain and find someone else who shares the same feelings with you. It is important that you both know where sex takes you in the relationship, what to expect and not to expect from each other. If you both agreed on the terms, then go ahead.
Let say you want your relationship to be monogamous once you have sex, and you were brave enough to talk it out, but your partner thinks and feels otherwise. What do you do? Take a step back and stick to your values.
7. Would You Feel Good After Doing It?
It’s normal to feel a little anxious and embarrassed before, during and after sex due to the influence of culture and religion.
However, there is a huge difference between feeling a little nervous and feeling completely grossed out or disgusted with yourself.
Feeling like you betrayed yourself can ruin what otherwise should be a special and memorable experience for you. If you know you’re going to feel bad, perhaps you should wait a little longer to do the deed.
Sex is not the only physical way to enjoy intimacy. However, if you feel this should be the next step in your relationship, then so be it. Just make sure you are physically and emotionally ready to take on the challenges that comes with having sex.