How do I know if I am ready to have sex? Everyone wants their first time ever, or their first time with a new person, to be extra special, so they want to be ready for it. This is why many girls, and even guys, often ask this important question.
Having sex for the first time, or for the first time with a different partner, is a big and tough decision to make. Sex provides a great experience, but it entails a lot of many other things than just pleasure. Just like with all the other decisions you made, deciding to have sex can have consequences that will change your whole life.
Before you decide on whether or not to take the next big step in your relationship, reflect on these eight things:
1. Do I Really Want To Have Sex Right Now?
Peer pressure and an eager partner are often the reasons for having sex before a woman is really ready.
Sex is a personal and emotional experience. You should only have sex because you want to do it, and not because someone else is pushing you to do so.
If you hear these phrases: “You won’t do it with me, because you don’t love me” or “All my friends and their partners are doing it”, then your partner is pressuring you without putting your feelings and values into consideration.
If your partner keeps pressuring you and gets mad every time you say “no,” he or she is not the right person to have sex with, because they don’t respect your feelings.
If you hear your friends saying things to you like, “You’re a virgin?” or “You don’t know what you’re missing,” your friends probably just want to sound and look cool. Having sex at a young age is not cool, and it does not make you mature or a “grown up.
Should anything happen afterwards, it’s you who will suffer the consequences, not your partner, and not your friends. So, be wise and wait until you are sure you are ready.
2. How Well Do I Know My Partner?
Having sex with a person you barely know and who knows so little about you won’t give you a satisfying sexual experience.
Sex is so much better when you have strong emotional connections, when you know you can trust the person about personal matters, and when you know your partner won’t do anything to intentionally hurt or humiliate you.
3. Am I Comfortable With The Idea Of Having Sex?
It’s normal to feel a little anxious about having sex for the first time, or with someone new, but, if just thinking about it makes you feel like you’re going to faint or have a panic attack, it’s best to save your first time for the right time. If the idea of having sex is making you feel so uncomfortable, it is most likely you won’t be able to enjoy the experience, anyway. Listen to your feelings and honor them by waiting a little longer.
4. Does Sex Fit In With My Personal Values?
People from all over the world have different views and beliefs when it comes to having sex due to the influence of their cultures and religions.
Some people are okay with casual sexual encounters, some people believe there should be love, while others believe sex should only take place after marriage. If you feel like having sex now is not the right thing to do or if it is against your moral values, then don’t.
Save yourself from feeling guilty and disgusted with yourself. If your family is strongly against pre-marital sex, and their opinions matter to you, then this is another consideration you should take. Are you ready to face the consequences once they know? Are you ready for criticism and rejection? Keeping it a secret from them will also do you no good emotionally.
5. Do You know About Safe Sex?
Sex exposes you to risks of unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). You should know how to protect yourself to prevent any of these things from happening.
You can choose from a lot of options for contraception. Wearing condoms should be a must with every sexual encounter, because it is the best way to protect yourself against STDs.
Also, doing it for the first time with someone doesn’t guarantee that you won’t get pregnant. Do a lot of research first and don’t just rely on your personal knowledge.
6. Do We Both Want To Do This?
After deciding you are ready to have sex, the next question would be if your partner is feeling and thinking the same. Sex should be mutually consensual and not just because one of you wants to do it. Pressuring anyone to have sex with you will cost the person’s respect, while forcing someone to have sex with you is a form of assault punishable by the law. Just as you took the time to assess if you are ready, let your partner do the same.
7. Is It Legal?
Why would this be important if no one will know? The law on the age of sexual consent exists to protect the welfare of both parties from unlikely things that could happen afterwards. If you are a minor and you get pregnant by an adult partner, your partner could face charges and vice versa.
You should keep in mind that laws are put in place for a valid reason. It’s best to steer clear from situations that could ruin both your lives forever.
8. Am I Ready To Face The Emotional Risks?
Sex is an emotional experience, especially for women. Having sex could develop into feelings you are not prepared for. The best thing to do is to talk about what having sex means to you and your partner.
If you want to demand monogamy once you have sex, let your partner know. Again, people have different takes on sex. It could mean a special commitment for you, but not for him.
Be honest about your expectations on the relationship before doing it, and let your partner do the same. It would be a great relief to know you are both on the same page to avoid false hopes and hurt feelings in the end.
Having sex can change everything, especially if it’s your first time. It’s important to ask yourself first if you are physically and emotionally ready to face the changes that can happen as a result of taking your relationship to the next level.