Admit it. One of the hardest things to do after breakup is not exactly how to say the right words in ending a relationship, but the process of forgetting and moving on. Sadly, it is difficult to nurse a broken heart. Worse, there is no pill invented to make you forget the pain you are going through after a long relationship. Can you just imagine how hard it is to break from the routine after sharing it with someone for, say, five years or even longer?
But hey, not everything is meant to last, right? In fact, even good things come to an end, since as what wise people always say, someone better will come along.
Then, opportunity comes knocking at your door. A friend of a friend who is a friend of your cousin was introduced to you and you are completely smitten.
Who would want to be single and still ready to mingle at 50? Before you say no to the man who’s trying to prove that not all men are alike, here are tips to help you get back in the dating scene.
1. Be The Woman That Would Make Your Ex Say, “She Used To Be Mine, But I Let Her Go.”
Fact: most women are too emotional not to care. Since going through the whole breakup – moving on process is a miserable one, does that mean you have to look miserable, too? Of course not.
Fine, it’s okay to cry and feel sad or eat lots of chocolates or feel depressed for the first few weeks. But that’s it. Don’t let your emotions take over your body. Prove to yourself that you are a strong, independent woman.
You can start by fixing yourself. Treat yourself to a whole day pampering session. Get a pixie cut if you’re sporting a long hairdo since you were eight. Go and have a one-hour full body massage, or buy that designer bag you’ve always wanted.
Aside from this, exercise. Did you know that the best way to mend a broken heart is to get it pumping? Together with proper and healthy diet, it can make you healthier and thinner, too. Your ex will surely get surprised – and feel sorry for himself deep inside – the next time he sees you.
But please, don’t do this for revenge purposes. You’re not helping yourself if that is your main goal.
2. One word: Acceptance
Fine, this is easier said than done. At one point, you were happy and in love, but then the next thing you know, you are crying in your best friend’s arms.
That’s how life works and yes, there is nothing you can do but accept the situation.
Before you can totally move on and get back into the dating pool, you must genuinely learn to accept the fact that some things are meant to end, including your long-term relationships.
Let go of all the bitterness inside you and stop looking for ways where you can talk about your man – even in dates.
Learning to accept the situation will make it easier for you to move on and find new love, sans the feeling of rebound. Oh, and please, it’s not entirely your fault. Just take half the blame for it, so you won’t have an excess baggage once you move on to the next.
3. Don’t Rush It
Some women think that the only way they can forget and move on is when they find love as soon as the relationship ends.
Sorry sweetie, but that’s not the way it goes. And you know what they call this type of relationship? Rebound – and most of the time, it does not end well.
In other words, don’t rush to get back in the dating scene. This is no contest here with a prize waiting for you at the end of the tunnel. If you feel too pressured just because your ex found new love already, then don’t compete.
It only means you’re still bitter, and that bitterness will be carried on once you’re in a relationship with another man. Plus, it would be unfair to the guy, too, especially when he is head over heels in love with you.
Take your time. Wouldn’t it be nice if you took your time to fix yourself and completely accept the situation before saying yes to another person?
4. Keep Your Expectations Low
But not too low, like dating the first dude who asks you out, even if you don’t like him. It will never end well. Therefore, don’t expect too much on a first date. You are only given two to three hours, or even more if you’re lucky, to spend time with a complete stranger.
It is natural that you can’t get to know him and his story in short span of time – unless something weird really happened during the course of the date that will change you and your man’s life, forever.
Think of dates as an experimental thing. However, you are not looking for someone who will replace your ex. Rather, you are looking for a man who can make you happy and bring out the best in you. If it worked out well, then that’s good news. Otherwise, just charge it to experience. You might learn something from it too.
5. Be Yourself
This is perhaps the number one rule in dating: always be yourself. You might think that dating gives you a chance to reinvent yourself and try to be a different person. That’s fine, especially when you’ll see the guy once or twice.
When things get better and more serious, pretending can be tiring, since you are playing a role that is totally different from who you are as a person.
Therefore, don’t change who you are just because you think this type of girl is the dateable one. Love yourself first and accept yourself for who you truly are. Love will come knocking at your door after. Plus, it will be easier for you too since you are not pretending to be someone you’re not.
6. Go Out And
You might say you forgot how it is to date. Well, that is normal, especially when you are in a relationship for quite some time.
In this case, just go out and have fun. Ask for help from your single friends and get tips from them in terms of getting back into the dating circle.
Visit places you used to visit and try to remember those fun nights spent at that place. Meet new people, not because you want to find new love, but because you want new people in your life.
The bottom line is to have fun and enjoy your moments as a single gal. Of course, there are times when you wish you’re out cuddling someone, especially on Valentine’s Day or Christmas. However, you can never make the most out of your life when you allow yourself to be dragged around by someone.
Take some time to be alone and single. You get to look at life in a different perspective, since no dude is telling you to do this or be that. Appreciate the good things in life, try something new for yourself, even if it means enrolling in the most outrageous classes. Just have fun. Life is too short to sulk inside your room, crying your eyes out for something that will never happen again.
7. Don’t Go Into Details
So you’re finally out with someone. That’s great. You fixed yourself, bought a new dress for the dinner and made sure you are in your best but real self the whole time.
Then he asks about your ex.
If he asks you about it, then that’s fine. Tell him you went out for a few years, but things did not work out the way you planned. Then just end it there. If he keeps on asking questions, give short answers. If he is smart enough to notice, he’ll stop asking questions.
Otherwise, don’t bring it out. Aside from being inappropriate, no one really cares what happened before you decide to get back in the scene. Plus, it screams bitterness and sends a message to the guy that you’re still not over your ex. Stay away from this topic as much as you can.
8. Be Respectful
Remember what Confucius said? “Do unto others what you want others do unto you.” Keep that in mind when it comes to dating.
Whether you are looking for a serious relationship or you just want to date around and have fun, show some respect to the man if you want him to do the same to you.
At the same time, be honest about the real reason why you are dating. Some dudes can be a-holes and are only looking after sex as soon as you had the last bite of your cake. Being respectful and honest about your intentions can separate the dudes who just want sex from men who really care about you.
So, are you ready to go back in the dating scene?