May 2009
158 posts
Shoulda Stayed Unemployed
1. She started a new job and sent all of her male co-workers nude pictures over MySpace. 2. She would then only have sex with me when she drank. 3. She lied to me and said she was going out with friends from work as a group, only to fuck her new boyfriend (whom she met at work) in the parking lot while I stayed home and watched her kid.
Star Fucker
1. He’s incredibly arrogant and self-centered, and made a habit of memorizing and reciting each one of his rich friend’s net worth and how many houses they had. 2. I lost my virginity to him, and when I bled everywhere, he told me, “to be honest, I really don’t want to be dealing with this right now.” 3. He’s incredibly hairy. Like, Ripley’s Believe It...
Kind've a Big Secret
1. One night, before I went over to her place, her ex-boyfriend had been there to propose. She failed to mention this little detail and spent the night angry at me for asking why she seemed distracted. For the record, she told him “maybe.” 2. She got back together with me for four days, just to go to MY friends wedding because she knew it would be a fun party. She broke up with me...
Misplaced Trust
1. He dumped me every other day because he was convinced I was cheating on him, only to convince me it was my fault and “take me back” the next day. 2. He was a raging alcoholic who blamed me for all his problems. 3. He constantly told me how his other girlfriends were so much better than me, even though they all cheated on him and that’s why he couldn’t trust me.
Bench Builder
1. We went out for four years, and he was faithful to me for about three months. He ALWAYS had a backup girl(s), with whom he had sex several times a week — unbeknownst to me. 2. He was so bitchy, he always got mad about the smallest things, like too much mayo in the chicken salad I made him. 3. He told people we broke up because I started getting mental about nothing and broke things off...
I Plead Not Guilty
1. She hit me over the head with a lamp, and when I was passed out, she called the police and lied. I got arrested for assault. 2. If I mentioned that I talked with a girl at work, she’d accuse me of cheating on her and then sulk until I bought her something shiny to “make up for it.” 3. My four year old niece was not only smarter then her but more emotionally stable.
Pardon?
1. He broke up with me one time because his parents said I was Filipino and Pakistani. I am neither (not that that would be a reason to break up with anyone anyway!) 2. I bought him at least $500 worth of clothes three days before he broke up with me. 3. He told me he cheated on me with seven different girls throughout our year and a half long relationship.
21 Going On 12
1. When we had sex, it felt like I had a 12 year old boy having a seizure on top of me. 2. On time he asked me to imagine having three more inches inside me when we were having sex. 3. After we got back together he told me it was because he was, “bored and had nothing better to do.”
Busted Key In Wrong Lock
1. He tried to invite an ex-girlfriend (who gave the “best blowjob” he’d ever had) over to “hang out” while I was half way around the world in Australia. 2. He repeatedly landed himself in hot water with the law for selling and smoking pot. 3. The only thing I have to remember my dad (a gold key necklace that my dad gave me to symbolize the key to my heart and...
No Lie: Dude Stinks
1. He lied all the time, he lied about his age, he lied about loving me, he lied about being faithful. And a few days ago, he lied about lying. 2. He was a controlling dick, but I figured it out after I was in love, because he lied the entire first year we were together. 3. His breath stunk like shit and old medicine. I always had to carry water and gum to help keep the mouth rot at bay.
Not the PS3
1. I caught her hooking up with her brother. 2. She smashed my PlayStation 3 system when we were in an arguement. 3. She was drunk most of the time we were together.
Just Shut Up Already
1. He slept with his mom’s friend while we were dating. 2. He admitted that he drugged his date’s drink once with downers because she talked too much. 3. I found a half-empty box of latex condoms laying in the middle of his messy bedroom floor. I have a horrible latex allergy. When I asked him about them, he said that they were his roommate’s and expected me to believe it.
It Was All Yellow
1. When we were together, she was hooking up with three other people… one of them happened to be a girl 2. She stole my Coldplay tickets and took her girl to the concert… Tickets were $200 each.
3. She says I turned her gay. I don’t think that’s possible.
Overrated
1. She’s a cunt. 2. We dated for 3 years; she cheated more than once and lied to my face about it, saying anything she could to get what she wanted. 3. She was on a constant power trip, and even though she was hot, I’ve given myself better orgasms.
Already Enough Bitches
1. When I would wake up in the morning, she would often tell me that my face was fat and puffy like Teddy Kennedy’s face. 2. When I excitedly told her that I had passed the bar exam, she said, “so what? There’s already too many lawyers.” 3. During our honeymoon, we had sex two days in a row and she said, “Don’t even think this is going to become a...
Secrets Secrets
1. The “friend” with whom she started hanging out towards the end of our relationship became her boyfriend within weeks of the breakup. 2. She spread horrendous, untrue rumors about me all through town. 3. She then made sure that any girl I was seeing found out about those rumors through “anonymous” phone calls.
A Real Feminist
1. He whined constantly about everything and I would always end up having to drive him everywhere. 2. He would drink from morning to night and wonder why he was having so many health issues. 3. After two years, turns out he had another girl on the side. He broke up with me, supposedly wanting to be alone. I found pictures of him and the other woman on MySpace a couple days later. His...
A Pure Sissy
1. He got drunk and pissed on my new brand new mattress.
2. He then left in the middle of the night and went back to his house, leaving me sleeping in his piss as he drove home drunk. 3. He failed field hockey in college. Twice.
Hostage
1. He was married, living with an ex girl-friend dating me and another girl all at the same time. I got pregnant and dumped. 2. He won custody because at the time he was more financially stable. Of course, because he wasn’t dumped while pregnant, so he could work! 3. He’s literally holding my son for ransom.. If I don’t pay him, I can’t see my son at all (I wish I could...
Real Mature
1. She kidnapped a past ex I still was still friendly with to interogate her about and find out if I was cheating. 2. She begged me to come on vacation with her, so I saved and saved… until 2 days before we were leaving, when she dumped me. 3. She always told me to grow up… she was three years older than me and I had the steady job and house.
I Got Served
1. She asked for child support money… and forgot to tell me that she retrieved the affidavit from the hospital, so my name wasn’t on the birth certificate. 2. She lives with her Grandmother for free room and board and neither of them drive, so I have to drive an hour-and-a-half to pick up my son and drop him off at school. 3. She served me papers for full custody of my son, and since...
Romance in the Trailer Park
1. He loved to show off how he could shoot water out of the hole where his labret piercing used to be. 2. He wore only wifebeaters. 3. He’d shower only once a week, shoving his dirty hair under his baseball cap. Always the same cap. It smelled awful.
Out of Her Fucking Mind
1. The second day we were together, we didn’t talk and she texted me saying she was contemplating suicide if I didn’t rush over and put it in her butt. 2. She stole my ATM card and went to the casino. She won big, and still didn’t p ay me back. 3. After we broke up, she asked to see me for a final lay… except she really set me up and three guys beat me with baseball bats....
Jerk Beef
1. He was a compulsive liar who couldn’t even give an honest answer to a question like “What are you watching on TV?” 2. He loved to go tanning because he said he had Seasonal Affective Disorder. His skin soon looked like beef jerky. 3. He had an affair with a college girl who worked at the tanning salon.
Stupid Transmitted Disease
1. He complained when I watched the science channel, saying “this smart shit is boring”. He would then switch it to Larry the Cable Guy. 2. The only way he graduated high school was because I did all of his work, and I was two years younger than him. If I hadn’t dumped him, I would’ve been doing his college work, too. 3. Called me around Christmas a year after I had...
Dangerously Gross
1. He was so homophobic that he was absolutely terrified of me touching his ass. 2. He made a point to comment on how hot some chick was while we were at dinner before prom, after barely acknowledging how I looked, and having me pay for everything. 3. He thought his bad hygiene was hilarious. He would wipe cheetoh residue on his socks and stick it back in his shoe, and would purposely laugh in...
Cushion for the Pushin
1. She rolled over onto my arm in the middle of the night. I couldn’t feel it the next day.
2. She spilled a condiment or drink in the bed at least twice a week.
3. She insisted to be on top, not a fun experience.
Cheating x10
1. He said he was going to a party with a bunch of his guy friends 2. Jokingly, I said, “That’s just a code word for the big orgy, right?” 3. He got mad, saying, “I haven’t been in a few months, OKAY?!” We had been together for a year.
Free Shots?
1. She had sex with a married bartender in a bathroom of the bar.
2. We had to leave Thanksgiving dinner with her family because her mom didnt make green bean casserole.
3. Her family liked me more than they liked her because she would bitch about everything and fight with her family. Her cats liked me more than her too.
He Was A Tumor
1. While I was undergoing treatment for skin cancer, he started having an affair with his human resource director. 2. He lied about the affair and manipulated me into thinking that I was imagining everything - because the treatment for cancer was making me crazy. 3. When he got really drunk, he used to beg me to put my biggest dildo in his ass. I refused. Then the next day, he’d deny it....
Delicious Spread
1. I had her over for dinner. Under the table cloth, she was using her cell phone to take and send dirty pics to her ex.
2. She dragged me to a club and then danced with other guys in ways most would consider cheating.
3. She told me that she didnt want a boyfriend. The next day I saw her making out with some random guy at the park
Badass Tat
1. He cheated on me with the ugliest girl in our highschool. 2. He bitched at me for getting him to school late, though I had to go out of my way to pick him up, and he decided, 15 minutes after I arrived, that he had to brush his teeth again before we left.
3. His first tattoo was a “tramp stamp” of a red cross.
Sucky Claus
1. After we split and she had moved 400 miles away, she flew those 400 miles back to stake out my house, so she could steal my car after I got back from a Christmas road trip. 2. She failed to make scheduled payments on the vehicle which was in both our names, severly damaging my credit in the process. Probably saved the money to get her 300 dollar monthly weave put in. 3. She gained 80 pounds...
Grandma's Boy
1. He cried way more than any guy should. 2. After my grandma died, he suggested we have sex… to make him feel better about it. 3. He constantly accused me of cheating. Like the time he accused me WHILE HE WAS INSIDE OF ME. After I pushed him off, he proceeded to cry. I never cheated. Turns out, he was the one cheating.
You Won't Like Me When I'm Horny!
1. He would say “Hulk Smash!” while we had sex. 2. He would pick his nose in public and then get mad when I didn’t want him to touch me. 3. If I didn’t hang out with him for one night, he would call me and tell me it was the worst night of his life. This began after we had been dating for four days.
Bombs Away
1. He used to pick his nose, roll it like it was a grenade in the making, and smack it on the bathroom wall RIGHT next to the toilet paper! 2. He kept his running shoes IN the kitchen cupboard! The first time I smelled it after our workout, I thought the hamburger in the fridge had gone bad! 3. He had to check every woman on the street out, like he wanted to pee on them to mark his territory....
That's Just Fondling
1. She can’t be without a relationship for more than a week. 2. She buzzed her hair. Looked terrible. 3. She insists on giving over the pants hand jobs.
The Power of Karma
1. He cheated on me with four (if not more) girls in the course of six months, carrying on relationships with two of them. Then he gave me the nice parting gift of chlamydia. 2. He moved across the country, almost took me with him. When I went to visit over Valentine’s Day weekend, he ditched me for a night to hang out with his “other” girlfriend. I then dumped him, only for him...
Blog Post: Spread the Word!
Hey everyone, We have a great and growing community at WhyMyExSucks.com, and know you love the hilarious things people send in. But in order to keep posting the stories, we need to keep growing. We need more readers, and more people submitting stories. Otherwise, we’ll eventually run out! So we’ve gotta spread the word, and we’re relying on you for this. If you could send the...
Role Reversal
1. She fucked some guy seven times in one night while I was out of town - and showed up with the marks to prove it. 2. She got arrested for domestic violence for hitting me on my birthday. I’m a 6’5 guy. She’s 5’4. 3. She was arrested for felony hit and run after plowing a 6 year old girl in broad daylight, shattering her leg and fracturing her skull.
Double Slut
1. She hooked up with a guy in D.C. when she was on a school trip, telling me he was just a friend. 2. She told me she was going out of town for a “swim meet” on Valentine’s Day weekend; turns out she went to dinner with the guy from D.C 3. She then ditched that guy, leaving him at the restaurant, and instead went to get drunk with and hook up with her old boyfriend.
"Loved" Me, Fucked Her
1. He had huge feet but a small package.
2. He told me if his friends didn’t like me he couldn’t keep dating me. His friends were all semi-retarded. 3. He drunk dialed me once, told me he loved me then forgot to hang up. I heard him having sex with another girl over the phone.
Three's A Crowd
1. He pissed the bed in his sleep a few times. 2. He made me drive him to court in a snowstorm because he got a D.U.I., borrowed money for court fees which he won’t pay back, then proceeded to blame ME for “getting him in trouble with the law.” 3. He wanted to have a threesome with another girl, which I agreed to, but then he kicked me out of his room and proceeded to have sex...
Satan Incarnate
1. He dumped me while pregnant and terminally ill.
2. $25,000, many gifts, a pregnancy and a lot of I Love You’s later, he admitted that the entire relationship was a lie, that the sex with me was repulsive and forced because I am hideous, and he really only loved my money.
3. He had the nerve to ask me recently for money and a car to be willed to him before I die, asked what I was gonna...
Sex Life Pwnage
1. I bought him XBox Live for his birthday.
2. My best friend said, “if you like having sex, you shouldn’t get him that.”
3. She was right.
I Shit On Her Metaphorically
1. Her laugh sounds like an old creepy mans laugh mixed in with the sounds of a cat in heat.
2. In the middle of sex, she often tells me to shit on her chest. I decline.
3. She wants me to fart on her face. It gets her off, she says.
And Her Ex Sucked, Too
1. I took off work for and drove 40 miles to watch her perform for her dance class and then take her out to dinner. She broke down in hysterics thinking about her ex.
2. She would text me at 5 AM, knowing I had gone to sleep at 4 AM because I worked nights, just to tell me how shitty the traffic was on her drive or some other mundane fact about how her life sucked.
3. She got back together with...
Lying to Himself, Methinks...
1. He talked about wanting to marry me though we were both under 20 and had only been dating a month. 2. He told me that sometimes when he masturbates he tilts his penis so that his cum goes into his own mouth. 3. He shared that he wanted me to someday do him in the ass with a strap-on.
And the Money, to Top It Off?
1. She had sex with my best friend while she was nine weeks pregnant with my child. 2. She aborted my child without telling me. 3. She stole about two thousand dollars from me.
Dog Lover
1. She always tries to feed me food while making train noises. 2. I found out she cheated on me when I was abroad on Valentine’s Day. 3. I’m pretty sure she wants to have sex with her dog. When he gets a red rocket she stares at it in a very disturbing way.