June 2009
146 posts
Very Donald Sutherland of Him
1. When I found bondage gear in his closet, he insisted it belonged to his ex-girlfriend. A year later I found hundreds of bondage videos on his computer. 2. He ended his first marriage by cheating on his wife with one of his students (he’s a college instructor). Swore he’d never cheat again. Cheated on me. 3. A mutual friend of ours invited him to visit her for the weekend in order...
Breakup Sex: A Terrible Myth
1. He gained a ton of weight but refused to stop wearing his tight-ass clothing. 2. He dumped me, then impregnated me with breakup sex 3. A week after the breakup, he tried to get with my best friend.
Seven Years?! C'Mon!
1. She wouldn’t have sex with me for the entire seven year relationship, the last three of which we were married. 2. Everything she wanted I got for her. We moved to the location she wanted so she could be near her parents, we got a house instead of an apartment, I got a job I didn’t really like to support us, I got her the dog she wanted and I trained it, I did all the housework to...
Seven Seas of Suck
1. He pathetically hinted that he needed help with legal fees to fight for his kids
2. When I gave him the money, he used it to go on a cruise with another woman
3. And lied about it, telling me he was working. As if I wouldn’t catch him.
Yeah, But X-Box Is The Shit
1. He spent hundreds of dollars on several new video gaming systems, then complained when I thought he would take me out for our anniversary because I “didn’t understand his financial situation.” 2. He told his friends I had cheated on him in order to get free sympathy pints at the bar where I work. 3. Never once would he be on top during sex. I’ve never heard of a male...
This Guy's Just Sad
1. Although technically not a relationship, he convinced me to have a friends-with-benefits thing. I met him at work. I was 16. He was 25. 2. I found out he had a girlfriend, which he told me he broke up with. We went at it again, but I later found out he had a FIANCE. 3. Two weeks before his wedding he tried to get back with me. Six months later, his wife with a baby on the way, he tried to get...
Daily Debate: The Comeback
How long do you think it should take to recover from a relationship enough to start a new one? What does it depend on? What is your personal experience?
Bonus Question: We have a new design (as you clearly see)! What are your thoughts on it?
Pre-Nup?
1. While we were married she told me that she felt she had the right to treat me badly indefinitely because she was unhappy. 2. In divorce proceedings she told the me that she shouldn’t have to get a job to support herself because “you can earn enough for both of us.” Right, that’s what marriage is, not divorce.
3. She hit our daughter for not paying enough attention to...
Two Names, One Insane
1. He would watch TV, post on forums online, and play his electric guitar all at the same time. If I asked him to turn it down or if I could change the channel, he would throw a fit… mind you, it was MY TV and computer. 2. He would go back to his own apartment on random Friday/Saturday nights to “study” all night. Turns out he was was going to the bars without me, hitting on my...
C-C-Coward!
1. When we broke up, he had his parents come over and get all of his stuff from the apartment. 2. One night he went out with a friend and came home with hickies all over his neck. When asked about them, he swore that I did it. 3. He told me that he had cerebral palsy and was going to die soon when I caught him cheating on me. Yeah, nice try.
Probably Time To Move On, Bro
1. After we broke up, he sent me a letter begging to reconsider our relationship and spelled my name wrong. Not just like a letter, he wrote a completely different variation of my name. 2. A year later, I finally fell for someone new. Even though he hadn’t seen me in that time he would write insanely jealous facebook messages, emails, texts and try to initiate any kind of sexual talk. 3....
And He Was An Eighth Grader
1. He cheated on me with a 15-year old freshman… when he was 26 2. Thirty minutes after he dumped me, he begged to sleep with me, saying that I was the most mature girl he ever dated. Well yeah, because she was 15. 3. I (stupidly) let him, and the next day, after he left my house, I discovered that he stole my piggy bank and my friend’s ring.
Don't Need An Excuse
1. My mother passed away on Christmas day. He didn’t fly out to Mass from LA because the weather was “rainy.” 2. The week I got back from literally watching my mother pass away in the hospital, he told me I couldn’t use my mother dying as an excuse for being a bitch to him. 3. He is 26 and his brother is 30… and they live at home with their parents. One month after...
I'm Not Liza!
1. Whenever we asked for the check at dinner he’d stand up and go to the restroom. One time I waited for him, didn’t pay anything and when he came out from the restroom he said, “gee honey I forgot my wallet again can you get this one?” 2. We sat one cubicle apart, and one day we started fighting. He yelled at me, “shut up Liza!” My name’s not LIZA,...
Hey, Guys!
Your submissions have been great! Everything is heartbreaking and hilarious, and we have lots more to share!
But, perhaps because guys suck more (just a theory!), or because girls are whinier (just another theory!), we don’t have many stories from guys. So if you’re a dude perusing this site, or know of a dude with a bitter tale to tell, make sure it gets sent to us, so we can hang...
Umm, Wrong Place, Wrong Time
1. The first time he said he loved me was to get me to do something kinky during sex. 2. A month later he broke up with me but kept using me for sex. 3. Two weeks after he last coaxed me into sex, he visited me in the hospital (where I was having a nervous breakdown) to tell me he had feelings for his ex.
High School Boyfriend Suck
1. He left me at a a small new years gathering in the middle of strip poker, first time meeting his friends and half naked, to go to an ex-girlfriends party which he spent the night at. He said he was too drunk for me to come pick him up even though he was in the same neighborhood. 2. He made me cry in front of the entire class, and then tripped me when I walked past his desk. 3. During lunch,...
With Hookers, You're Still Alone
1. He cheated on me… by hiring at least 30 prostitutes on craigslist.
2. He told me he loved me so much he couldnt hold me back any longer, and that he just needed to be on his own
3. The next day he showed up to get some stuff and had another woman in the car.
Clearly, Still in Love
1. He was addicted to heroin. 2. He had his sister break up with me — by telling me he had just gotten married to his ex. 3. Six months later, I get a phone call from him (he’s still married at the time) saying that he loved me.
True Love, or True Mental Illness
1. After 6 days (and hooking up once) she told me I was afraid of commitment and was trying to ignore her, so she forced her way into staying at my place for the 6 days. I later found out that she was homeless. 2. She would show up at any given moment after we broke up, the last being 3 am on a Tuesday. 3. She thought that if she stalked me, I would come around and get back with her. She went to...
Lucky Her
1. He didn’t want kids. 2. After we broke up, he began dating my friend. 3. My friend is now pregnant with his kid.
On Michael, a Prelude
We usually don’t do this on WhyMyExSucks, but we figured with the heaviness and social relevance of the news, we’d put this up for a day. Feel free to share your opinion in the comments or reblogs.
jordanzakarin:
On the Michael Jackson news, I’ve been watching nonstop coverage of his death, and two things stick out.
One, the outpouring of plaudits for MJ from other musicians,...
Dog Survived. His Dignity Didn't.
1. When I first met him he said he was staying with a roomate at an apartment, but I never went inside because he wanted to stay at my place 24/7. I later found out he was homeless. 2. I was dancing with my gay friend and he got so jealous that he attempted to commit suicide by driving on my prescription pills. He got in the car and crashed, rolling over onto my dog, nearly killing her. 3. After...
Quarter Length Yogurt Cups
1. He told me he had a big dick before we got into bed. It was about the size of a hitch-hiking thumb. 2. He told me that he loved me and technology. Which is why he spent more time watching the Discovery channel than finding a job. 3. He would jack off into socks and leave the crusted remains under the computer desk.
Daily Debate: BFF
Is it better to meet someone and start going out with them soon after, or start going out with a really good friend?
What are your experiences in such situations?
Screen Yer Calls, Bro
1. She couldn’t hold a job. In the roughly two and a half years we were together, she had around eight jobs. And every time she was “let go,” it was always the same excuse: “The boss is stupid.” 2. I was NEVER allowed to do anything alone. And I mean NEVER. If I went to the store without her, she got upset that I didn’t call her and didn’t pick her up...
Bleeding Gums, Not Heart
1. He never brushed his teeth because he didn’t like how it made his gums bleed. Nor would he ever use mouthwash. 2. Busted him in his twin-sized dorm bed with another chick. He claimed they were just friends when there was an empty futon right next to them. 3. He sent me a porno a few days after we broke up as a way of reconciling our friendship.
No Idea What A Sissy He Was
1. Though I lost my younger brother to cancer, he informed me that I had “no idea” what he was going through when his father became ill and spent six months telling me what an awful person I am. 2. He blamed his subsequent heroin addiction on my inability to make him feel sufficiently loved 3. He let his sister break up with me for him.
Got Any Herbal Crazy Pills?
1. She had no job and n health insurance. She had a bunch of non-specific ailments the “stupid western doctors” couldn’t figure out, so I paid for her to go to a series of homeopaths and naturopaths who happily prescribed things like tinctures of gold for her to hold under her tongue to cure her ills.
2. In addition, she kept a container of water in the fridge mixed with her...
Daily Debate: Friend or Turncoat?
Would you be okay with a friend dating one of your exes? In what scenario, if any, would that be okay?
Warcraft is Tough Work
1. He couldn’t hold a job, lied about how he got fired when he quit, and blamed me whenever he lost a job. 2. He refused to cook or clean around the house, even though he didn’t work. He played on the computer all day. 3. He’d tell me I was ruining our relationship when I’d refuse to blow him after working a 10 hour day, cleaning the apartment and cooking him dinner.
Altar Boy... at 27
1. He was 26 when I met him and he let his parents control him and tell him what he could and couldn’t do. We rented a hotel for a night while attending my friend’s wedding, and his parents called a million times during the night (while we were sleeping) to “check on him”.”
They then went to my friend’s mom’s house at 2 am (after stealing the directions...
Rabbit... Ha!
1. He had a weird obsession with bunnies. If he saw one, he chased it. He once got out of the car to chase a bunny. And they had to, at all times, be referred to as “bunnies.” Using the word “rabbit” was like a cardinal sin. 2. Once, he accidentally used my white dress instead of the sheet after he pulled out (an annoying habit to begin with). He rinsed the spot off and...
Hated Queen, Was A Princess
1. One day he became enraged when I was talking to him on the phone because I decided to sing “Bicycle Race” by Queen. He then proceeded to call me every five minutes (not exaggerating) for the next 48 hours to sit on the phone without speaking. When he finally did talk it was to tell me that the reason he was doing it was because he wanted to make me as angry as I made him by singing that song. ...
Thanks, Doc.
1. She was a food racist. She had a problem eating food that wasn’t white. 2. Two weeks after we started dating, her doctor put her on enough Xanax to kill a donkey. Between the pot and the pills she became a zombie. 3. After breaking her arm snowboarding with her ex, she figured the best course of action was to move in with him until she healed. In the end, this admittedly worked in my...
Anyone But Me
1. I found a pair of his ex-girlfriend’s panties in his drawer. 2. He tried to give me a ring that he had bought for his ex-girlfriend, whom he always compared me to. 3. He dumped me for my best friend.
Use the Force, Douche
1. He had me pulled out of a make-it-or-break it exam claiming that my mother had been in a car accident… simply because he “missed me and felt like seeing me.” 2. His parents knew more about our relationship than even I did. For example, he told them I was his girlfriend after the first date. 3. He dressed up as a Jedi at every possible opportunity - not just for Halloween.
What a Gift
1. While we were dating, I spent my VERY last $51.47 on his Christmas present. Well, what did I get for Christmas that year from him? Nothing. He sure did buy all of his other friends something really nice though. 2. He entirely ignored me for 4 days, and then broke the silence via the shortest 4-line facebook message ever. 3. He’s been having sex with one of my best friends… who is...
Depression Source
1. We split amicably and kept in touch. Out of nowhere, he decided to tell all of our mutual friends that I became a huge cocaine addict (not even remotely true), was sleeping around, wasn’t to be trusted and would only talk to someone if they were an artist. 2. During college I was wrestling with an eating disorder and depression and decided to start seeing a psychiatrist to overcome my...
Desperate, And Filthy
1. He once locked me in my room for two days. 2. He only showered once a week. 3. He would swallowed eight Advil (knowing it wouldn’t actually kill him), hoping that it would trick me into feeling bad for dumping him, and then missed his flight home insisting that I needed to take him to the hospital to get his stomach pumped.
Straight Used
1. He had no car or license; I picked him up and drove him home everywhere we went. 2. He completely ignored me, turned off his phone for 2 weeks, made no attempt to talk to me after I tried to contact him on multiple occasions, and broke up with me when he finally called after I told one of his friends to tell him to call me. 3. He got me to tell him things about my life that I never told...
Loose?
1. She needed to use 9 fingers to masturbate. 2. She needed to use 9 fingers to masturbate. 3. She needed to use 9 fingers to masturbate.
I Dated A Baby
1. He didn’t like to kiss. Ever. His gums bled constantly anyway, because of his loathsome oral hygiene. 2. Even though he was too lazy to get a job, he felt entitled to my earnings. And somehow, he convinced me that that wasn’t insane. He was a master of manipulation and it took years to free myself from his snare. 3. He dressed like an overgrown toddler.
God's Will: For Him to Suck
1. During the entire year and a half we were together, I can count on two hands the number of times we kissed. He claimed that he wanted to save himself for marriage — kisses included. 2. He refused to listen to a mix CD I made him for our anniversary after reading the song list; there were no Christian artists on it. 3. During his week long family trip to Michigan, he called me absolutely...
Pull the Plug, Man
1. She pretended to be in love with me and made me buy her bunch of gifts including a brand new phone under my name. 2. She started using that same exact phone to have a long distance relationship. She cheated not once not twice but a million times and is yet to say sorry. 3. Using that same phone, she still texts me things like, “I had anal the other day.”
21st Century Man
1. He wore a fanny pack. As a 30-year old man. in NYC. In the 21st century. 2. He was the king of incessant, awkward dry-humping. 3. He is a vegan. Never trust a vegetarian.
Get The Ho Ho Hell Out
1. On Christmas Day, he got too drunk at his parents party and I had to shuttle him out. We had a good time once we got home, until he casually mentioned that I had “ruined the last year of his life.”
When I got mad and tried to leave for a bit, he threw my shoe through a window, and then slapped me. I went to stay the night with a friend, and he drunk drove over there, and demanded...
Bike Across The Border?
1. When my 2-year working holiday visa to his country expired, he broke up with me then begged me to take him back as he dithered over whether he could ever see himself living in my country for a while to see if we could make it work. 2. Approximately one year after I’d returned home and he was supposedly madly saving to move and be with me, he took his bike to the shop for some minor...
Fuck off, R-Kelly
1. He peed on me once while I was taking a shower to see if it would arouse me sexually. 2. We got in a fight in the parking lot of a strip club because I insisted he was too drunk to drive home and he refused to come home with me. The next day I asked him if he knew why I was mad and he said “Because I didn’t kiss you goodbye?” 3. He asked me to marry him so he could get his...
Cat, Not Pussy
1. She had a super horny unneutered cat and her apartment, clothes and hair smelled like cat pee. 2. Whenever we had sex, in the middle of the action she would start talking about unrelated things… like her cat. 3. She’s milking men for money and has just got married - for the 4th time.