August 2009
66 posts
Holy Trinity: Dick, Mouth, Church
1. He got head from my “best friend” behind our church. 2. He told me he wouldn’t dance with me at my prom unless I agreed to have sex with him afterwards. 3. He broke up with me “just to prove he could.”
July 2009
119 posts
Punishment For Robbing The Cradle
1. After two and half years he dumped me, out of the blue, the day before I started my first real job. 2. A month after he dumped me, he started going out with a 16 year old. 3. He contracted a skin infection from her and both of them have big scabs all over their faces! mwahahaa
Emma's a Witch In Real Life!
4tnz:
They call Hermoine a “mudblood” (which means she has no wizarding in her family), but that’s far from the truth in real life!
According to Ancestry.com, Emma Watson’s family tree goes back to a woman named Joan Playle of Essex County, England, who was convicted of witchcraft in 1592!
For more, head to http://www.4tnz.com/content/emma-watson-related-witch
Many girlfriends will be...
Clearly, He Thought Deeply
1. While we were dating he still talked daily to his superskank ex-girlfriend 2. He broke up with me because he needed “time and space” to “think about things.” 3. He got back with his superskank a day later. I’m sorry, but a day doesn’t seem like much time to me to “think about things.”
Discover A Boner
1. He couldn’t get it up after drinking a can of beer, but he would still drink every day. He was drunk; I was left unsatisfied. 2. He said that that I was “taking advantage of him” when I asked him to febreeze the room and clothing after he smoked weed because the smell was making my eyes swell. 3. He would rather stay home and “discover himself” (with mushrooms)...
4tnz:
OMG! My friend and I were at the mall and there was a modeling agency there trying to get people to sign with their company. The lady came up to talk to us. She looked at me and said they could really use boy models. I’m a girl! Sux 4 me!
Probably gonna hear about that problem from a lot of sucky ex’s. Girl’s gonna have a complex!
4tnz:
Reblog this if you think that, if Harry Potter was real, you totally would be a wizard and not a muggle.
Yes, and we’d cast a spell on our ex’s, that’s for sure.
Really Nice Fish, Though
1. She was CONSTATLY indecisive. About everything. 2. She so often talked about how people could “tell her everything” because she’s “so nice” that it was a form of masturbation.
3. Her pussy smelled like fish, literally. I thought that was a myth.
4tnz:
Reblog this if you wish Edward Cullen was real… and would bite you.
Many a guy has been dumped for this fictional vampire.
To Be Fair, He Was Three Years Old
1. He sobbed like a child having a temper tantrum and cried more often than any man (or woman) ever should.
2. He spent more time in the mirror than I ever did and got mad when he couldn’t spike his hair perfectly. He then would scream at me to do it for him, and then scream more if i didn’t do it perfectly.
3. When he got sun burned and started peeling, he demanded that I peel off...
Just Date Your Ex, Dude
1. He would cut himself or threaten suicide everytime I said that I wanted to leave him. 2. He used the cellphone and credit cards that were under my name to talk to his ex and buy her gifts. When he got caught, he said those gifts were meant for me. I never got them. 3. The gifts I got? Jewelry she had given back to him. Of course, he said they were “from the heart.”
She Kibbled My Bits
1. If you listen to her for just two minutes, you’d think she’s a victim. When you listen to her for ten, you realize she’s a crazy bitch. 2. She was a terrible cook. She always made “Italian”… and it always made my stomach hurt. 3. She was terrible in bed. Just awful. I mean no good, very bad, I’d rather have been jerking off into dry dog food bag.
He Was Just Offensive
1. He left skid marks in all of his boxers. 2. He did not understand why I would not spend time around his father and brother. Both were convicted sex offenders. 3. I told him early on in our relationship that I did not want children. Yet, he insisted and putting his hands on my stomach and saying, “I can’t wait to feel a little kick-kick-kick here”. And he could not understand...
Harry Potter Amusement Park?
4tnz:
An Owl has just arrived. You’re headed to Hogwarts!
Details, including rides and attractions (like Hogwarts Castle and the Three Broomsticks): http://www.4tnz.com/content/harry-potter-amusement-park
Any significant other that takes you here automatically does not suck. Period.
He Needed Brain Surgery
1. He wanted to have sex no less than five times a day, every day. When (after a month of this) I finally said no, he slammed his head into the wall repeatedly until he passed out. 2. While he was at work, I left him a note explaining that I was going to be rollerblading at the park with his friend. After he left work, he came and found us only to scream at me, call me a slut and tell me that if...
He Can Dish...
1. He would constantly tease me, and call me a pussy when I got upset. He cried if I ever teased him. 2. He farted on me all the time. 3. I would come to all of his shows and stand-up gigs, and he made it feel like a chore to come see mine.
Larry The Cable Guy?
1. He wore a bandanna under his camouflage hat in what he called his “suit”… which was really his mechanic uniform. 2. He tried to pluck his nose hairs while driving, made me feel how long his butt hairs were, and he farted so loud in his sleep he woked himself up… and tried to blame it on me. 3. For two and a half years his best friend tried to fuck him. She can have him...
Family Affair!
1. He slept with my mom 2. He slept with my sister 3. He slept with my BROTHER.
Wussiest Breakup Ever
1. Broke up with me via a text message while I was in Ecuador
2. While I was away and unable to defend myself, he told my friends that I was a sex adict. 3. After months of not speaking to each other, decided to be “friends” again. He immediately asked me if I was willing to sleep with him.
Hey, Pokemon is Awesome
1. He once kicked me out of his house in the middle of the night, during winter, because I didn’t hear him when he asked me to turn on the TV. 2. Once while having sex, he stopped midway… because Pokemon was on TV. 3. His chest hair put King Kong himself to shame.
Disclaimer: The Editors LOVE Pokemon.
A Shit Whirlwind
1. We lasted a week. The first night he broke up with his girlfriend, got drunk with my roommates, and after many rounds of strip beirut he asked me out when he was completely drunk. I guess I thought it was charming at the time? 2. The fifth night we were together, he got drunk again and pissed in my dresser. 3. A week in he decides we were going too fast, breaks up with me but says we could...
Co-Worker Can Have Him
1. When confronted with a phone bill showing tons of calls to a female co-worker, he said: “be glad I talk to her, she is trying to keep us together.” 2. When I had to have an emergency appendectomy, he came to the begrudgingly came to the hospital, saying, “why am I here it? Ain’t like you’re gonna die.” 3. He stole money from our son’s piggy bank to...
Maybe She Was On To Something
1. I let him borrow my cell phone for a week or so until he got his back. Within seconds of leaving my house, he would be calling other girls on my phone. 2. When we bumped into his ex-girlfriend, she threw herself on the floor and starting punching herself in the head when she saw us together… 3. We spoke about how crazy that was for someone to do that in front of a couple, but he had sex...
Fiesty Little One
1. He was so short that he almost legally qualified as a dwarf.
2. He had a foot fetish - which I didn’t find out about until he tried to shove his foot in my crotch!
3. He worked at a fast food joint and leapt out the drive-thru window to attempt to beat up the guy I dated after him; the only reason he could fit through the window was because he was so little!
Give Buffy A Call, ASAP
1. He dressed like a girl and thought he was a vampire. 2. He used to ask me to pee on him while we were fooling around. Since I wouldn’t, he would stand outside the bathroom door with his ear pressed to it to listen to me pee. 3. He stopped in the middle of a busy road during rush hour, put on his hazard lights and picked up roadkill so that he could take it home and keep the bones. He...
God Thought He Sucked
1. He was a con artist that borrowed thousands of dollars from me and my family to start a business. We never saw that money again. 2. He sold the businesses without telling me while my name was still on his location lease. 3. Cheated, stole and lied… “but it’s okay because he found God.” Right…
Time To Move On...
1. He broke up with me, leaving me depressed and slightly suicidal, but told everyone that I broke HIS heart to get sympathy from all the news girls he was talking to. 2. Right after he broke up with me, he gave me the hope that he wanted to get back together. But it was all to lure me back to his house so we could have sex for one last time. 3. He still tries to control me, even though...
Rusty Trombone Enthusiast?
1. She licked my asshole. 2. She licked my asshole. 3. She licked my fucking asshole.
Hike It Up
1. He complained that my shorts and my skirts weren’t short enough. I started to feel that in order to look sexy for him I had to dress like a whore. 2. He got all mad at me because I did not want to have sex with him two years after we broke up. 3. He cheated on several times with complete strangers.
Her Diamond Is For Never
1. He complained that I never had sex with him. The only reason I didn’t have sex with him because his penis was so small, I didn’t see the point. 2. He cheated on me with my best friend… for almost a year. 3. The ring he proposed to me with? It was a fake the idiot stole from an old woman in China town.
Note: Commenters
We have held out as long as possible on this, but now have no choice but to address the issue.
We’re excited about the growth of WhyMyExSucks, and love that the user submissions generate vibrant discussions. And we’re grateful to our loyal readers. You guys are awesome.
However, there are a number of readers who prefer to troll this site, using the comments to blast mean and hurtful...
In His Own Head...
1. I stupidly supported him for about three years while he was a stay-at-home bum and drug addict. Sometimes I would arrive home from work to find a huge party going on at my house. If I got angry he would beat me up! 2. He kidnapped my dog for about a week after I broke up with him so I would have to talk to him. 3. He thought he was the sexiest guy in the world with the best body and...
Worst Guy Ever
1. He was sexually abusive when I didn’t feel like having sex. 2. He broke two ribs and my nose because I wanted to leave him. 3. He forced me to give up our son for adoption since it was the only way I could make sure he would never get near him again.
Small State, At Least
1. She fucked or blew every guy in Southern New Hampshire 2. She did so much crack she went nuts 3. I am finally paid off on the bills she ran up
Technically, a Slut
1. She hung out with slutty girls who encouraged her to be a slut. 2. She cheated on me over and over again, with men and women 3. She denied cheating, even after she gave me chlamydiya, claiming that “his dick never went in, just came close to [her].”
At Least It Was Before The Wedding?
1. He told me to pursue a philosophy major in college just because he was afraid that I would be more successful than him when I became a doctor. 2. He doesn’t let me wear high heels and calls me Paul Bunyan. I’m only 5’ 6”. 3. Before leaving to Africa for a five week trip, he asked me to marry him. Whenhe got back, he maintained a long distance relationship with the...
Pull That Trigger, Thumper
1. He held a loaded shotgun to his head and threw a temper tantrum every time i tried to stop him from controlling me, got in a fight or tried to leave him
2. He came home one morning while I was still sleeping in the nude. He jammed his fingers in me and said that I was naked because I had my ex over, and his reason for violating me was that “he could tell if i was telling the truth”...
He's Yours, Paris
1. He cried WAY more than I ever have in any relationship. Full on sobbing and bawling like a baby. 2. He watched “Paris Hilton’s My New BFF” religiously. Every time it was on. Even repeats. 3. His breath always smelled like stale coffee and cigarettes.
It's A Good Size
1. He had the smallest penis I’ve ever seen. 2. He was completely insecure about the size of his penis and asked for constant reinforcement that it wasn’t small. 3. He had no idea how to wield said penis.
Best "I Want You Back" Gift Ever
1. He pissed the bed almost every time we drank together, which was several times a week because we both work at bars.
2. After he chased me for 6 months. Less than a month after I gave in, he slept with his ex. 3. When he found out that I had a new boyfriend he broke through my security door and knocked on my door until 6am. I didn’t answer so he took a shit in front of my apartment door.
Fuck Up Timeline
1. He dumped me under the pretense that he was moving across the country soon. He never moved and started dating a new girl the next day. 2. While on spring break with his new girlfriend, he texted me and asked what I was doing. I said “swimsuit shopping.” He proceeded to send me a barrage of explicit texts. 3. After a very interesting conversation, his (now ex) girlfriend and I...
Morrissey Would Be Ashamed
1. He cheated on me while overseas at his best friend's wedding. When he got back from the wedding, he lied about it… until he told me the truth the day of my close friend’s funeral. 2. He always has his hair greased up in a pompadour. It’s nasty, and I don’t know how I ever found it endearing. 3. He rides a scooter. That in itself should be enough, but he’s in...
All In Context, Of Course
1. He didn’t understand how pulling one’s eyes back to look Asian was racist. So he’d do it, very often. 2. A friend of his attacked me via FaceBook, calling me selfish and a whore, he did NOTHING to defend me. Instead, he laughed. 3. He had a massive* boner while he was breaking up with me. What?!
*Well, it was big for him.
Worse: Boyfriend or "Best Friend"?
1. He was my first serious boyfriend, I was his 14th serious girlfriend. 2. He told me he loved me everyday and reassured me that it was really love. When we broke up, he told me “we had fun” and asked me if I really thought he was serious. 3. Six days after we broke up, he started dating my best friend. They’re engaged to be married in 4 weeks. They didn’t invite me.
Big, Important Issues
1. Our first major fight was because I told him I would prefer not to have a toilet mat in my bathroom - this made him go into a raging fury and scream that we would never work out. 2. He drank, took drugs and gambled literally every time he was not in my company. 3. Our last major fight was over him trying to purcahse a vegetable steamer, which ended in him screaming at me over the phone to...
What a Pussy
1. He was fat and drank at least one Starbucks dessert coffee every day. 2. He called me a “dirty little pig” when we had sex. 3. He got an adorable kitten for his apartment and tried to convince me to move in with him. When I finally told him I couldn’t and needed to spend more time at school studying, he dropped the kitten off at the animal shelter. I was never able to find...
A Different Breed
1. He has a psycho “baby momma,” which is honestly the most ignorant fad of our generation. Sounds like they’re breeding german shepards. 2. He cheated on me with his ex when we first started dating. 3. Suprise suprise, he knocked her up and they had a second child.
Not a ROFL Situation
1. She told me her cousin had moved to Vancouver and that she wanted to go visit her. I soon found out that her “cousin” was her internet boyfriend. 2. I found nude pics of her in front of her webcam along with pics of his penis. 3. She and the internet boyfriend had an in depth discussion over instant messenger on how to get rid of me. Poisoning my yogurt was ultimately agreed on.