August 2009
66 posts
You Seem Too Compelling To Interrupt
1. HEY WAS TOO QUIET 2. HE SAID HE WAS A LISTENER 3. HE SAID I DIDN’T TALK ENOUGH FOR HIM WHE I TALK MORE TEN NEEDED
The Worst Part? Not Doing Chores
My ex sucks because all he WANTED WAS SEX PLUS BEAT ME UP AND NOT HELPING AROUND THE HOUSE when its his house
At Least You're At Zen With It
my ex sucks because he cheated all the time, was an arrogant jerk always tryin to put me down n belittle me, and now we been divorced since Feb of ‘05 but he still acts like a jerk, always constantly trying to find ways to make me look like a bad mom to our son by telling him things like “ur mom’s crazy” or “ur mom said u hit ur sister? oh, my poor boo boo bear! what...
Maybe If This Had Grammar...
SHe said i am crazy all the time cuz she all ways is getting caught up fucking her familyshe loves to steeland all she does is lay around and fuck her self lik the cheating slut she is
Crazy Day!
Now that we’re really back, time for some of our craziest entries! Remind any of you of YOUR exes?
Depressing Special #1
Generally, we require three reasons, but this is too sad not to post.
1. He doesn’t. He’s a wonderful person and I will always love him, in some form. 2. He broke my heart.
Because Without You, He Was Clearly A Scholar
1. He only let me talk to 5 guys that he hand picked out. 2. One day when I chose to hang out with my sister at the mall rather than hanging out with him. He showed up at the mall drunk and ran to me. Where he ended up punching me in the face. Really hard. 3. During the million times that I tried breaking up with him he blamed me for his shitty grades at community college.
Can We Get A Copy?
1. She was a disloyal, cheating, lying, conniving alcoholic who is really bad in bed. 2. She started fucking one of my buddies about two weeks after we broke up. 3. She made a really bad porno, behind my back, while we were still dating; FOR FIFTY DOLLARS!!
Surprised You Wanted To Share This Prize
1. He said he didn’t like to receive head, but I later found out it was because he had genital warts and didn’t tell me until after we had been sleeping together for a month. 2. I followed him to a crack neighborhood where he scored from a dealer on the corner. He paid with money he stole out of my purse. 3. He was constantly trying to get me to pick up girls for a threesome, and when...
Check Out His New Haircut
1. He cheated on me with 50-60 girls. 2. He was always hyped up on roids and frequently went into rages.
3. His penis was teeny tiny.
America's Next Top Douche Bag
1. He once told me “you’d be perfect if only your eyes were green,” during dinner. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he said this in front of his parents! 2. I have a little flaw on one of my ears — it has a tiny notch sticking out on the rounded edge. He often talked to me about removing it with a scalpel himself. 3. He was very into the trophy girlfriend thing and...
What Fun She Sounds Like
1. We had a long-distance relationship, and whenever I got home from visiting her she’d claim she was pregnant because she was afraid I’d break up with her. 2. Whenever I would travel to see her, all she wanted to do was lie in bed watching soap operas. 3. One time, I offered to pay for a taxi so she could meet me at the airport. She said I’d be getting in too late and she...
Coulda Been A Cancer Fundraising Party?
1, I told him I have ovarian cancer and he… threw a party for his mate’s birthday at our apartment and parties all weekend without even a text to see if I’m okay!!! 2, He’s very selfish and would never lend me even a cent. 3. He gave me an STD!
Sounds Like An Ideal Life!
1. He played World of Warcraft in his underwear all day while I worked two jobs to pay our bills. 2. He tried to hit me in the face with a spatula. 3. He wrote another girl a love letter while we were together.
Next Time, Date A Nice Jewish Boy
1. He was uncircumcised and always had stuff under his foreskin. 2. Everytime something bad happened to him, he’d try to invent a way to make it as though it was all my fault! 3. He called me on my birthday… to tell me he was canceling his promise to make me dinner in order to go out drinking with friends.
Definitely For The Green Card
1. He convinced me to drop out of college and marry him… I later found out it was for a green card. 2. He was sleeping with our neighbor… who was a dude. 3. He wouldn’t let me speak to my friends or family.
Sorry for the long absence. We’re back! We love you! And not in the way that shitty ex’s say it after they disappear… we have a great explanation, we promise! Just take us back!
Because He's Got An Oedipal Thing
1. He always wanted more sex… probably because he only lasted 2 minutes at a time. 2. He asked me to call him “Daddy”. 3. I could never buy him gifts because anything and everything he wanted he asked his mommy to get him.
Defriending Time
1. After being suspicious of this girl he was “friends” with, I found out he was cheating on me with her when he put he was in a relationship with HER on Facebook while I was in the middle of class. 2. The only present I ever got from him in 2 years was a t-shirt. 3. He told me he only told me he loved me because he knew it’s what I wanted to hear… but 2 years later he...
This Will Do
1. He was so fat that he needed to lift his belly flab to see his penis. 2. He told me that he had “nine inches of love” to give me. I needed a magnifying glass to see his penis. 3. When I broke up with him, he cursed me out. Five minutes later, he called me, bawling his eyes out and said that he missed me. Pussy.
Ho Needs A Poke
1. She threatened to commit suicide every time i tried to break up with her… so that we could date for another month till I was sick of it again. 2. She always gave me crap about the girls that posted on my facebook wall! Even my closest friends couldn’t post with her saying obnoxious things right after them on the wall. 3. She consistently stuck her tongue all the way down my...
He's All Yellow
1. His idea of foreplay was seeing how many fingers he could shove inside me. 2. The only real knowledge he has is about Coldplay. 3. He’s married with a kid on the way and tells me he still fantasizes about me.
At Least He Was A Sharer?
1. He was married.
2. He had an STD.
3. He tried to give it to my sister, too.
Very Important Announcement To Make
1. He goes commando all the time, and wore the same shorts for weeks at a time. Talk about streak marks. 2. He would publicly announce whenever he had a boner. 3. He loves his best guy friend more than me. He told me. They’ve slept in the same bed on multiple occasions.
That's Amore
1. He blamed any of his faults, gross habits, disgusting manners and inability to communicate on him being brought up in an Italian family. 2. Though, he was very much able to lie through his teeth about other girls he was trying to get with. Actually, he lied about most things, and blamed all else on being Italian. 3. When I got mad at him, he proved to me how incapable of ‘talking things out’...
Sometimes, Playa's Gotta Play
1. He broke up with me via text message and he lives down the street from me. 2. After that, he started hooking up with my friend. She stopped talking to me completely. Awesome. 3. We got back together, and I gave him my virginity. No scratch that - he TOOK my virginity and cheated on me two weeks later.
To Be Fair, It Probably Tasted Better
1. He’d always walk around wearing this stupid shirt that said “Mr. Asshole” across the chest whenever we’d go out. Fitting, actually. 2. I bought him everything he wanted for Christmas, and what did I get? Absofuckinglutelynothing. His reason- he didn’t expect anything from me. 3. We’d go out for dinner then have sex afterwards, and he’d tell me that...
All Hail The Flannel King!
1. I had to constantly eat around him, because if there wasn’t something already in my mouth, he tried to stick his tongue in it. Or other appendages. 2. If we weren’t watching That 70’s Show, we were watching Pinocchio… by his choice. 3. He wore flannel daily.
Pineapple Depressed
1. His goal in life was to live like Pineapple Express – sell weed, smoke weed, get rich and do absolutely nothing. He lives in his parents’ basement and the plan isn’t going well. 2. He would loudly fart at least 4 times an hour and then laugh when I was disgusted. 3. He spent all of his time looking at porn and was confused when I didn’t look or act just like a girl in a porno, often...
Kurt Would Have Hated Him
1. After we had sex he would say, “I am such a bad person, I feel terrible” and complain for no less than 2 hours about his ex-girlfriend and how much he missed her. Every single time. 2. He thought he was the reincarnation of Kurt Cobain, and wouldn’t let me talk about him. 3. He fooled around with his ex-girlfriend knowing she had herpes, and told me the next day. I never touched him again.
Pubis Witness
1. He never understood the phrase, “I want to break up.” I must have said it 100 times, and he would text and call me like everything was normal the next day. 2. He gained a lot of weight in a short amount of time. Apparently, it made him sweat a lot. My guess is that he didn’t clean his testicles too well, because he developed trichomycosis pubis, aka…. ball fungus....
Bitch Needs A First Life
1. She had no job and relied on me to support her and feed her. Yet when I was around she would be to busy talking to her Second Life friends and would get pissed if I asked her to log off so we could talk or do something outside of the apartment. 2. She put on 40 pounds in the year we were dating due to her Second Life addiction. 3. She eventually became a Second Life “Escort”, ...
Yeah, Good Apology!
1. I wasn’t ready to have sex with him… so he slept around and got a girl pregnant.
2. He tried admitting it wasn’t his baby… even after the test results came back that he was the father
3. He then proceeded to try to “make it up” to me… while getting another girl pregnant.
Define Mature...
1. He became best friends with my ex. While we were still together. Awkward. 2. He had a ton of lesbian friends, so “it was cool” if they were naked around him. 3. He’s 17, turning 18; I’m 16. He left me and begged a “mature” 13 year old to go out with him.
Daily Debate: Best Friends
Is it possible to fall in love with your best friend?
Or are you too scared, generally, to mess that relationship up? Is that just a lame excuse?
Is it possible to have strictly platonic, opposite sex best friends, even if you would be, in theory, attracted to the other?
Groundhogs Day? No Thanks
1. Anytime I hung out with my girls, he cried. Literally. 2. He called me CONSTANTLY. Non-stop, every morning, every night, and afternoon. Repeating the same things I heard. 3. He told me that he wanted to marry me after being in the relationship for two weeks.
Hey, At Least He Was Budget Conscious
1. He frequently searched for prostitutes online. Comparing prices. 2. He told my friends that he loved me. He just didn’t tell me. 3. He was, legally, a sexual predator.
R.I.P John Hughes. There’s one guy who definitely did not suck (though Mr. Rooney most certainly did).
At Least You Were Guild Hottie
1. He never hugged me without humping me at the same time. 2. I lost my virginity to him, on his couch, in tears… while his parents were in the next room. He had no problem with this, and didn’t tell me they were there until after. 3. He wouldnt talk to me for days because his “friends” really needed him in World of Warcraft.
Daily Debate: Meet The Parents
How much does it matter if your parents don’t like your boyfriend/girlfriend? Is that a reason to breakup, or can your parents just sit on it for all you care? Alternatively, has a boyfriend/girlfriend’s parents ever hated you?
He Lives Nearby, You Can Still Do 32 Things?
1. Over the course of a year, he went down on me ONCE. On Valentine’s Day. His reason? He just wasn’t “drawn” to giving head. 2. For his 32nd birthday, I took him to a $200 birthday dinner, where I also gave him little books I’d made of 32 things I loved about him and 32 things I wanted to do with him in his 32nd year. For my 31st birthday, he gave me…a...
A Real Dreamer
1. He has no high school dipolma/GED. 2. He has no job, no income, no house, no ambitions or goals 3. But somehow he can play Halo on an Xbox all day all night, cheating on me with avatars.
Daily Debate: The Re-Do
Sometimes, when you breakup, there are still feelings there, even if the ex totally sucked in the end. What does it take for you to take that ex back? How many more chances are you willing to give?
jordanzakarin:
indierawk:
Galaxie 500 -...
I Drink Your Milkshake
1. She carried a “Saving herself for marriage” card 2. We broke up because I was going off to college out of state 3. She immediately started fucking my best friend who was also going to college out of state.
Clearly, He Wants A Threesome
1. He pretty much acted like a girl, constantly yapping about how I hurt his feelings all the time. 2. Once, he made a joke about how if I dumped him, his ex girlfriend would be right there waiting. Then, while apologizing for this, he called me by her name. 3. He dumped me for her, but calls me every day and hates anyone else I go out with.
Wait, He Wasn't 14?
1. After we broke up the first time he posted cruel things about me and my body on MySpace, and posted my cell number for people to hit me up. 2. I (stupidly) took him back. When we finally broke up for good, he stuck me with the house (and all the payments) while he went back to live with his parents rent free. 3. He wrote a diss song about me and put it on his MySpace page.
What? Wasn't Paying Attention To This E-mail
1. The only time he would ever say he loved me is after we “got intense.” That’s what the loser called fucking. 2. I told him I was breaking up with him because he was being disrespectful, and he said, “What? I wasn’t paying attention to you at all.” 3. He made his mom buy all of the gifts that he got me. Whenever I’d get him a present, he’d...