January 2010
113 posts
SlapStick
He HAD to slap “it” to get it up
He accused me of cheating on him with people I known since 2nd grade
He took my cell phone and called my guy friends and told them they had better stay away from me or he’d kick their a$$es. Let me elaborate He was 6ft no muscles at all these were 6ft+ guys that played football… scared I think not.
He said all my girl friends were a bad...
She was team Edward, I was team Buffy.
1. She loved having sex
2. She loved having sex with multiple men
3. She loved having sex with multiple men at the same time
4. She loved having sex with multiple men at the same time while I was at work
Keeping it close to home
1. She cheated on me
2. with my best friend
3. with my brother
4. at the same time
1. He slapped me for the 1st time when we quarreled.
2. He slapped me for the 2nd time “for fun” (quoting his exact words)
3. And both times, we were in public places.
4. Last but not least, he left me with a debt of more than a thousand dollars, and then disappeared on me.
1. he got angry that i wanted to watch project runway once a week with my female friends.
2. because it interfered with his routine of calling me at the exact same time every night.
3. and then he cried.
left to die in the woods
*holy lord. we’re running really low on submissions. if you want funny stuff, ya gotta submit! or else you’ll just get sad stuff like this:
It was the latter part of 06 ,both of my parents had passed away.i had suffered from siezures and a bad back.and had such bad siezures i was put on klonopins.i was severely depressed having lost my parents. my wife and i had moved in to help my...
he is so lucky he lives two hours away or I'd have...
He mentioned marriage less than one week before he broke up with me.
Cheated on me. On Christmas. Didn’t tell me about it until he broke up with me six months later.
I’ve known him for six years. Still didn’t have the balls to break up with me in person, but did it over the phone.
A week before he broke up with me, I voiced some concern about his relationship with a female...
He had a foot fetish
He was rumored to be cheating on me with four other women
He used me for sex
He broke up with me via email
After we broke up, he tried to get with my best friend. While she was with her boyfriend.
He tried to get back with me and I refused
He got mad at me for not wanting to email him nude photos of myself.
He was a “Christian” and told my friend she was...
Virgin much?
He was my first boyfriend - I was 17, he was 18 and way more experienced. After constantly making me feel stupid for being sexually inexperienced, he finally convinced me to lose my virginity to him after 2 months of dating. I did - huge mistake. He left in the middle of the night and didn’t talk to me at all for a week. In fact, the first time we talked after we had sex was when he...
Hipster from HELL
1. He introduced me to drugs, (I’m clean now, but damaged none the less physically)
2. He forgot to mention a family history of sociopathy.
3. He beat me with a tire iron for answering the phone. It was my Mum. Telling me my Pappy passed away.
She got mad at me because I gave another girl a cupcake. We’re in high school. A little immature? I think so.
She broke up with me two weeks before we were to move in together, which happened to be my Birthday. She then texted me at christmas to tell me that she loves her new boyfriend more then she ever loved me.
"Facebook"
*Ed note: A little (lot!) long, but how could I not publish this? Suburban drama at its finest!
He was in my PE class but we never really talked and he had a girlfriend at the time.I always thought he was charming.One day he friend requested me on facebook and we started talking.While we were talking,I thought he was the most amazing guy out there. he is sweet,he has the body,the face and...
"The Average Sized Mermaid": A Play About An Ex's... →
Usually the only art inspired by breakups are slow acoustic songs, splatter paintings and angry journal entries that are an absolute embarrassment to read even days after the fact (hint: leave it off Xanga, kids).
That’s where the fins come in.
If you’re in the New York area in February, check out “The Average Sized Mermaid”, a play by Jessica Fleitman about a scorned...
We were dating for four months when he suddenly stop calling. I tired calling him, emailing him, everything and he wouldn’t respond back. I thought something was wrong. Four mouths later, I looked on his Facebook and saw that he was in a relationship with another girl. It would’ve been better if I heard he got ran over by a bus.
He had his other girlfriend call me on my birthday to let me know he was cheating on me and then tried to convince me I was in the wrong for being upset.
1. He broke up with his girlfriend at the time for me.
2. We dated for a month, then he broke up with me (by text message) because i didn’t give him enough attention (he was 23 at the time and I was 18 and still in school).
3. He fucked my best friend two weeks after we broke up.
He borrowed my truck so he could go to work. When he got home it had 300 miles put on it. He works down the street at a 711
He carried a cumrag to work, just in case “he felt the urge at the office.”
Helllllo suckers! Glad we’re back? Yeah, us too!
Here’s the thing: we need more entries. You’ve all been enjoying, but not contributing! The well could go dry! We’ve changed the rules so all you have to do is submit just one stinkin reason! Anyone can do that! Click the submit button on the right to hook us up!
And pass the word on to friends!
He broke up with me because I wouldn’t sleep with him nor give him oral sex…we were in the 4th grade.
He used to point at people in wheelchairs and yell, “lazy!”
He told me that when he was younger, he was sexually attracted to two of the members of Hanson.
She became my ex this morning, when she walked out of my roommate’s room. Where she spent the night. Naked.
He said he was so flexible, he could suck his own dick. And I caught him doing it, multiple times.
He took Viagra before my mom’s funeral, and walked around with a goddamn boner all day.
A continuation of the last post…
1. He went to Mexico for spring break with my best friend’s boyfriend. Her boyfriend called daily, he never called once, never got me anything. I had to hide his gift from Miami because I was ashamed.
2. He called me a cunt because I wouldn’t go on a date with him… after we had broken up.
3. He had sex with someone the day after we broke up. The next...
1. He got me a necklace with a diamond on it for our first Christmas; we’d been together one month. Then he told me I was taking things too seriously.
2. He told me he lied about loving me. He said “I love you” first and for roughly 6 months.
3. He stood in a parking lot screaming at me while I cried too drunk to stand. His reason, we went to different parties and I didn’t give him enough...
1. He told me he loved me, but he was cheating on me the whole 6 months. 2. He said that he felt really guilty about having sex when he was in his last relationship. Oh really? He was cheating on me by fucking his ex.
Revenge Story: The Grill
When we divorced he insisted on me giving him back an old junky grill. I did give it back, right after I filled it up with dog shit under the place where the gas came out so he would never find it. I hope he enjoyed his steaks that summer
1. She wanted me to move in with her. After one date. 2. She followed me around. For months I had to change bus routes and stops daily or lo and behold there she was. I have no idea how she consistently knew exactly where I would be. It was very impressive, but disconcerting.
The American Earthquake
I’m not going to post the whole thing, because I promised this would be WhyMyExSucks, and unlike your ex, I don’t go back on promises.
But if you want to read an important take on Haiti and the tragic disaster of poverty we’re facing in America, read this essay in full. It’s pretty short, and I think you’ll all agree with it.
jordansheartsucks:
The response to the...
1. She cheated on me. 2. She cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend. 3. That cunt, she cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend!
1. He found flaws in all that I did because he couldn’t stand me being better than him at anything. 2. He begged me to take him back after he broke my heart but still continued to treat me like dirt. and the kicker… 3. He lied about his sexuality to me and is now with a man.
1. She told me nothing was going on with that friend of mine she was always flirting with.
2. The day of my birthday party, she told me she slept with that best friend the night before. 3. Then she broke up with me at the party and left with the girl she slept with.
This is usually a bitter website, but a special message:
I didn’t buy lunch today. Instead, I took that money and donated it to relief efforts in Haiti. There are hundreds of thousands missing or dead, a country is destroyed and even more suffering awaits an already downtrodden people. They need all the help they can get. More important than a sandwich and chips, I think.
All it took was a...
1. He cheated on me within the first two weeks. 2. He raped and beat me for two years. 3. When I finally left he refused to return my stuff, gave away my pets and found a new girlfriend within four days. And then cheated on her, too. But then got her to call me and abuse me for things I didn’t do.
The last time I saw him was the first I slept with him.
I blatantly got used.
1. He broke my heart.
2. He deprived me of the family I wanted and needed.
3. He wasted 20 years of my life.
She stole my dog.
He asked me to come over and hang out with him, smoked me up and got me extremely high… and then broke up with me.
And from there, I had to drive to work.
He agreed to give up the legendary talk show that I earned the right to host, fair and square by being hard working and ground breakingly hilarious, and is now demanding it back after realizing he is an unfunny failure.
(WhyJayLenoSucks)
1. He sucks because he promised me he’d quit smoking cigarettes, and still did it behind my back.
2. He sucks because he promised he’d stop smoking weed and other drugs, but he did them behind my back.
3. He sucks because he cheated on me on New Year’s Eve, right in front of my face with my best friend at the time [who happened to be a dude, not that it makes it worst than if...
“He should change his name to Pwnan O’Brien because he just destroyed those...”
Sex only lasted about 30 seconds… after which he’d play XBox and say he is too tired to cuddle.
1. He said we were breaking up because he needed to concentrate on school and finding a job.
2. That was BULLSHIT.
3. The truth? He got some girl pregnant.
1. When I was five months prego he called me to tell me he was gonna kill himself. I hadn’t heard from him since I told him I was prego
2. When I went to see him in the mental hospital, he told me he loved me and would never let me go again.
3. A week after he got released, he took it back. My son and I have not heared from him since.
1. She would claim to leave me if she ever saw me talking to my long-time best friend, who happened to be a girl. 2. She told me if I left her she would kill herself in front of my house 3. When I finally broke up with her, she stalked me outside of my house for a week