Why My Ex Sucks

04th Mar 2010

Thursday // 11am // 6 days ago

DJ Mama’s Boy

1. He never paid for a single meal or drink.

2. He pretended that spinning techno records was a viable career option.

3. Just like most house DJ’s, he lives with his mom.

4. On Christmas Eve he forgot the condom and then forgot to control himself. He left right away and told me to text him when I took Plan B. (Of course he failed to contribute to the cost.)

03rd Mar 2010

Wednesday // 11am // 1 week ago

he said he never loved nobody the way he loved me, but he was in love with a lesbian girl and talked/thinked about her all the time

he told the mother of that lesbian girl that he would do anything for her, at anytime, cause he loved her, meanwhile i was at home waiting for him to talk to me

i used to like another person but i was tryin to like him but he’s so fucking selfish that i couldnt

he thinks hes the shit

hes really fucking ugly

he emailed me a pic of his dick and i when i told him i didnt wanted to see it, he CRIED

he cried cause i didnt wanted to send him naked pics and when i sent it he posted them on the internet

and then he said that he wasnt a s.o.b, that i could trust him, and he made a blog behind my back and posted pics of me again

and when i found the blog he said that he wish i was dead and that i needed to get over him

but i dont need to get over him, cause i never liked him, i pity him, cause he thinks he’s the shit, that he’s super cute, smart, he’s totally obsessed with his dick and he’ll die alone cause nobody wants to put up with his shit

i laughed so hard when i heard he attempted suicide, and when i heard he wasn’t dead, i was like ‘fail’

he tried to suicide twice and didnt succeed, he’s such a loser, he cant even kill himself

theres nothing i regret more than being his girlfriend, and when people ask me about him i say i never met him

02nd Mar 2010

Tuesday // 12pm // 1 week ago

” It was kinda like saying you can’t fire me, cause I QUIT. “

1. His dick smells like fish sauce

2. He has a cigerette burn that he did on purpose to look hard that totally ruined his use to be perfect flex.

3. He stoges now.

4. He has hella yellow teeth and braces.

5. He doesn’t floss.

6. He picks his ass and then smells it.

7. You can’t sleep in your own room.

8. He’s short, I had to wear flatts to prom.

9. He left me hella times and told me he didn’t wanna be with me.  I left your ass and never came back. Weren’t you surprised? I didn’t cry when we broke up, I said ” okay bye! ” TO YO ASS!

10. You’re a dumbass you’ll never find another girl who loved you the way I did.

11.You think you’re the shit.

12. I got more dirt on you than you do on me. You know why? You’ll never know what I did behind your back. HAH.

01st Mar 2010

Monday // 9pm // 1 week ago

1. He made up a child he did not have.

2. He cheated on me several times with hoes.

3. He cried when I told him I was engaged.

4. He cried when I didn’t want to date him again or sleep with him.

5. I never had an orgasm when we had sex.

6. He always went limp while we were having sex.

7. I swear everything he has ever said was somehow a lie.

01st Mar 2010

Monday // 9pm // 1 week ago

1. He did the I’m-gonna-be-real-funny-and-pretend-to-cough-but-actually-I’m-going-to-say-something-rude-under-my-breath thing today. At the top of his lungs he called me a whore. In public, at our school.

2. He talks like a lolcat. His favourite words? “lulz”, “awesomesauce”, “sadface”

3. His voice IRL is gravelly and reminds me of a Californian surfer dude. We live in NW Ontario, CANADA.

4. He was too clingy.

5. He always looked like I’d killed his dog or something. Made me feel guilty.

6. His boxers are constantly pulled up high and he strategically wears his pants lower than them.

01st Mar 2010

Monday // 10am // 1 week ago

1. She never told me we were broken up she just stopped talking to me and kinda disappeared.

2. When I heard from her again it was because she fucked my older in a church boiler room.