Fuck off, R-Kelly

1. He peed on me once while I was taking a shower to see if it would arouse me sexually.

2. We got in a fight in the parking lot of a strip club because I insisted he was too drunk to drive home and he refused to come home with me. The next day I asked him if he knew why I was mad and he said “Because I didn’t kiss you goodbye?”

3. He asked me to marry him so he could get his green card.