Got Any Herbal Crazy Pills?

1. She had no job and n health insurance. She had a bunch of non-specific ailments the “stupid western doctors” couldn’t figure out, so I paid for her to go to a series of homeopaths and naturopaths who happily prescribed things like tinctures of gold for her to hold under her tongue to cure her ills.

2. In addition, she kept a container of water in the fridge mixed with her “first urine of the day” so she could drink six glasses a day to make her feel better.

3. She got mad if I didn’t buy her flowers and chocolate, and do everything she asked, when she was “celebrating her femininity” every 28 days. When I didn’t hop fast enough, she got mad and called her mom to complain.

They would chat for hours about how shitty her step-father and I were (as I paid the phone bill). Her mom would tell her her to pack her bags and hop the next bus home (two and a half hours away) rather than stay with “that misogynist”. She would. Then she’d call me a few days later and ask me to come pick her up.