Don’t even bother asking why I was with her in the first place. I don’t have an answer anymore.

1. She collected erotica, yet somehow she had the sex drive of an aging panda.

2. She would talk shit about people all the time, some times without even waiting for them to be out of earshot.

3. I used up the last of my credit card balance buying her exactly what she wanted for her birthday. Not only did she return it all for store credit, but on my birthday, all my presents came from the dollar store.

4. She called me at the beginning of an eight hour shift at work, frantic that her period was late and she was scared she might be pregnant. For the rest of the shift, I had no choice but to fixate on the fact that she and I hadn’t had sex in two and a half months. Even though I explained the math to her when I got home, she had no clue as to why I was so upset. At the end of the argument, she flippantly said that her period started while I was at work.

5. When I bought the engagement ring, the jewelry store stated I could return the ring within six months for a full refund. That period expired five days after she broke up with me. She gave me the ring back six days after the break up. Coincidence?

6. Eight years later, I’m still meeting people who say they’ve heard all about me from her. Within an hour of meeting them, they all say that I’m nothing like what she has said about me.